amusement from the horse world
Oct. 8th, 2004 12:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
joflasherOkay, first let me explain dressage. Dressage is the ballet of the riding world ... except there are judges. Three of them, I think. Ever single movement you make from the moment you enter the ring is judged accourding to a set "pattern". The pattern defines exact location, gait and speed of your entire time in the ring. Each judge (all at different points in the arena) has a score card and marks down scores for each section of the pattern. Your scores are then averaged. They also traditionally add in comments for things particularly well or horrendously done and give them to you as you exit. For all extents and purposes, dressage is judged ballet for horses with snarking at the end.
Anyways, here are some amusing "comments" from various judges.
- "Forward is non-negotiable."
- "WHHEeeeee" - after a horse bucked through a change of speed
- "Good Marilyn Monroe walk."
- "ridden tactfully - and with adhesive" for the rider of a horse who went a bit vertical during a show
- "lacking decorum". - horse stopped dead and took a dump in the middle of the test
- "Will be nice horse when tamed."
- "Dead horse walking"
- "creative use of corner" - horse and rider nearly ran over judge at the corner
- "Could have been worse, nice glue" - horse bucked during the entire test
- "some good strides shown in all three gaits - pity they were not connected"
- "what a nice kind calm horse" - after riding a test completely in hard hail without a single mis-step
- "You ARE allowed to use spurs at this level, you know. Next time, wear them!" - horse decided to stop mid-test and refused to move
- "A little bit evil" - horse decided rearing was better than walking
- "Wish I could have seen it". - written under a "walk" section of a test where the horse bucked the entire time
-"Better thee than me"
Later that day, riding a similar in color and shape horse,
"Much IMPROVED - There may be hope after all"
Then that was lined through with a pen and the comment "different horse, isn't it?"
- "Walk is like a death march"
- "Well, we all have to start somewhere".
- "The walk should not be a hula dance"
And my personal favorite
- "Dear, dressage is ballet, not disco."
Anyways, here are some amusing "comments" from various judges.
- "Forward is non-negotiable."
- "WHHEeeeee" - after a horse bucked through a change of speed
- "Good Marilyn Monroe walk."
- "ridden tactfully - and with adhesive" for the rider of a horse who went a bit vertical during a show
- "lacking decorum". - horse stopped dead and took a dump in the middle of the test
- "Will be nice horse when tamed."
- "Dead horse walking"
- "creative use of corner" - horse and rider nearly ran over judge at the corner
- "Could have been worse, nice glue" - horse bucked during the entire test
- "some good strides shown in all three gaits - pity they were not connected"
- "what a nice kind calm horse" - after riding a test completely in hard hail without a single mis-step
- "You ARE allowed to use spurs at this level, you know. Next time, wear them!" - horse decided to stop mid-test and refused to move
- "A little bit evil" - horse decided rearing was better than walking
- "Wish I could have seen it". - written under a "walk" section of a test where the horse bucked the entire time
-"Better thee than me"
Later that day, riding a similar in color and shape horse,
"Much IMPROVED - There may be hope after all"
Then that was lined through with a pen and the comment "different horse, isn't it?"
- "Walk is like a death march"
- "Well, we all have to start somewhere".
- "The walk should not be a hula dance"
And my personal favorite
- "Dear, dressage is ballet, not disco."
