talking to myself
Jul. 25th, 2002 11:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
joflasherI don't know how many other artist experience this but I find I have two distinct parts that make up the majority of my artistic personality.
One is Artistic Pride, which makes me continue adding all those frickin little details and careful shadings long after I start thinking "this is good enough". Pride owns a very large collection of very small pen nibs and isn't afraid to use them.
The other is Artistic Growth, which makes me try new things and cut loose every once in awhile and throw paint and caution to the wind and all over the canvas and table. Often all that is left in the rubble of Growth is pastel dust, paint splatters and an unrecognizable mess but turning her loose is the only way I seem to learn new techniques or master new mediums. Boy is happy I don't turn Growth loose all that often, since she tends to leave the table a mess.
Right now these two are not happy with one another.
Pride has locked herself in a room in the back of my head and is screaming at the top of her (very powerful) lungs "NO! DON'T LIKE WATERCOLORS!" Growth, who had been happily splashing water all over the place, is now stuck outside of Pride's door going "Its not that bad, so it doesn't look like a tree, no one needs to know it was supposed to look like a tree. You can tell them its something else..." To which Pride answers "NO! DON'T LIKE WATERCOLORS!"
You see, I bought new watercolors, which I historically don't like and am not any good at. I turned Growth loose and said "go, have fun". And she did and I got a rolling mess on paper as a result. The problem, you see, is that Growth started with a sketch Pride had made and Pride had definite plans for it before Growth got her new watercolors. Now the sketch is unrecognizable, which is to be expected when Growth does something. Normally I hide Growth's work in my art room and no one but the Boy gets to see it. That way, Pride doesn't get hurt. Pride can grudgingly accept the loss of some of her work to Growth as long as no ones sees it. But Growth left this one out on the table and People saw it last night. Which brought Pride out to see what People were looking at. And made Pride face just what Growth had done to her rather lovely sketch.
Pride took it pretty well, at first. She offered to help and took out her inks (though Growth insisted she could only use one color instead of the 6 or so she normally does detail work with) and started adding in detail. Bark on the not-trees. Shadow definition. And the rabbit. You remember the scared rabbit, don't you? There is now a very carefully drawn and inked scared rabbit at the bottom of the picture. I really like the rabbit. Pride likes the rabbit. Pride is willing to show the rabbit to People, which tells you how good the damn rabbit is. Growth, though, has pointed out that a black and white inked rabbit just doesn't belong in this rolling mass of watercolor and it will need to be colored in.
Which is how I ended up with Pride hiding in a room screaming "NO" and Growth trying to convince her that everything will be alright. Since I'm not any good with watercolors, Pride can't do the rabbit. Growth will have to. But I like the rabbit and Pride likes the rabbit and it will just deteriorate from there.
Right now Pride is blaming Growth for the destruction of the sketch and all horrible artwork in general and modern art in particular. Its only a matter of time before Growth gets fed up and points out that she was here first and that Pride would never draw anything if Growth didn't play with the medium first and Pride will just have to accept the fact that the rabbit is toast. Then Pride will start screaming even louder, demanding that I go get my pencils and inks and pastels and the rabbit and leave the evils of watercolors behind forever and no one really needs to be able to do watercolors anyways and why the hell can't I just be happy with Pride's work, why do I need to let Growth go screw everything up...
You see, I've been here before. With acrylics and pastels and inks. Each new medium, we do this little dance. And I'm sick of it. When it gets to that point this time, I may just burn the picture, drink two whiskeys and call me in the morning.
Except then Pride wins. Which just makes her that much harder to deal with next time I turn Growth loose...
One is Artistic Pride, which makes me continue adding all those frickin little details and careful shadings long after I start thinking "this is good enough". Pride owns a very large collection of very small pen nibs and isn't afraid to use them.
The other is Artistic Growth, which makes me try new things and cut loose every once in awhile and throw paint and caution to the wind and all over the canvas and table. Often all that is left in the rubble of Growth is pastel dust, paint splatters and an unrecognizable mess but turning her loose is the only way I seem to learn new techniques or master new mediums. Boy is happy I don't turn Growth loose all that often, since she tends to leave the table a mess.
Right now these two are not happy with one another.
Pride has locked herself in a room in the back of my head and is screaming at the top of her (very powerful) lungs "NO! DON'T LIKE WATERCOLORS!" Growth, who had been happily splashing water all over the place, is now stuck outside of Pride's door going "Its not that bad, so it doesn't look like a tree, no one needs to know it was supposed to look like a tree. You can tell them its something else..." To which Pride answers "NO! DON'T LIKE WATERCOLORS!"
You see, I bought new watercolors, which I historically don't like and am not any good at. I turned Growth loose and said "go, have fun". And she did and I got a rolling mess on paper as a result. The problem, you see, is that Growth started with a sketch Pride had made and Pride had definite plans for it before Growth got her new watercolors. Now the sketch is unrecognizable, which is to be expected when Growth does something. Normally I hide Growth's work in my art room and no one but the Boy gets to see it. That way, Pride doesn't get hurt. Pride can grudgingly accept the loss of some of her work to Growth as long as no ones sees it. But Growth left this one out on the table and People saw it last night. Which brought Pride out to see what People were looking at. And made Pride face just what Growth had done to her rather lovely sketch.
Pride took it pretty well, at first. She offered to help and took out her inks (though Growth insisted she could only use one color instead of the 6 or so she normally does detail work with) and started adding in detail. Bark on the not-trees. Shadow definition. And the rabbit. You remember the scared rabbit, don't you? There is now a very carefully drawn and inked scared rabbit at the bottom of the picture. I really like the rabbit. Pride likes the rabbit. Pride is willing to show the rabbit to People, which tells you how good the damn rabbit is. Growth, though, has pointed out that a black and white inked rabbit just doesn't belong in this rolling mass of watercolor and it will need to be colored in.
Which is how I ended up with Pride hiding in a room screaming "NO" and Growth trying to convince her that everything will be alright. Since I'm not any good with watercolors, Pride can't do the rabbit. Growth will have to. But I like the rabbit and Pride likes the rabbit and it will just deteriorate from there.
Right now Pride is blaming Growth for the destruction of the sketch and all horrible artwork in general and modern art in particular. Its only a matter of time before Growth gets fed up and points out that she was here first and that Pride would never draw anything if Growth didn't play with the medium first and Pride will just have to accept the fact that the rabbit is toast. Then Pride will start screaming even louder, demanding that I go get my pencils and inks and pastels and the rabbit and leave the evils of watercolors behind forever and no one really needs to be able to do watercolors anyways and why the hell can't I just be happy with Pride's work, why do I need to let Growth go screw everything up...
You see, I've been here before. With acrylics and pastels and inks. Each new medium, we do this little dance. And I'm sick of it. When it gets to that point this time, I may just burn the picture, drink two whiskeys and call me in the morning.
Except then Pride wins. Which just makes her that much harder to deal with next time I turn Growth loose...
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no subject
Date: 2002-07-26 08:56 am (UTC)I've got a Growth in there somewhere too, but he's usually pretty quiet. I should encourage him to speak out more :)
no subject
Date: 2002-07-26 11:12 am (UTC)Its good to let Growth out of her padded cell every once in a while...though more often than not, I end thinking "Dear God, what have I created!"
I think Pride may have strangled Vision after the Autumn Fairy incident. Two + years on one picture and its still not done and I haven't seen hide nor hair of Vision since then.